Things Not To Do On Facebook

August 24, 2009 at 4:12 pm | Posted in just for fun, life, technology | 2 Comments

Facebook is the bane of my existence. While I feel compelled to check it and participate in this alternate universe, I also spend at least half the time shocked and sometimes appalled at the things my 302 “friends” have to post. So, I decided to compile a list of guidelines.
1. When Facebooking (which will be referred to as FB’ing from here on out) refrain from status updates relating to your personal drama such as, “I need a man not a boy.” Way to state the obvious, Cougar. It’s pretty safe to say that I assumed this about the author of this post without her stating it. I certainly wasn’t likening her to Mary Kay Letourneau. I assume that wasn’t her intention either, which brings me to my next point.

2. The above post appears to be a revenge post to an ex not so cleverly disguised as a general status update to the world. If this is the case, what a lame comeback. Its Facebook, not a rap-off where you only 5 seconds to come up with a response. You have an unlimited amount of time to craft the perfect response, so use it. Spend a little more time coming up with a witty quip to actually induce feelings of remorse or better yet, don’t revenge post at all. Keep it classy.

3. When on FB, do not post status updates pertaining to bodily functions. Its just gross and too much information. Before you post, ask yourself this question, “Is it worthy of a status update?” If you wouldn’t do it or say it in person, don’t do it on FB.

4. Status updates that scream for a therapy session probably aren’t doing you or me any favors. Updates that are an obvious cry for help make me sad for you and a little mortified. You don’t need Status updates– you need a psychologist or to stay away from the computer when feeling blue.

5. This is Facebook, not Twitter. We don’t need to know your every move – that’s what tweets are for or let’s face it, a real friend. Again, keep it interesting and if its not, I probably don’t want to know about it like the fact that you are excited its Friday. Really? You, me and EVERYONE else on the planet. Thanks for the update.

6. More pictures of your baby, really?? This is Facebook, not Babybook. Get your baby their own page.

7. Status updates about your level of intoxicaton or the aftermath are a bad idea. Hide the evidence, don’t publicize it. This can only get you into trouble.

At the end of the day, Facebook is not private (despite your settings.) Because it is a medium heavily focused on one way communication, it is easy to forget that everyone who is your “friend” does have the capability to see and read what you post. Think about how you want to best represent yourself, before you click update. Some things are better off unsaid, or in this case, unposted. Until then, Happy FB’ing.